You just made me feel so damn special
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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