when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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