There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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