Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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