haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
