dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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