as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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