Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
NoShamevember. You game?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
