we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
