We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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