She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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