I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
