She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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