Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
