Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
