At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
