Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
