I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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