I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love you.
Bad choice
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
