im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
