Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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