I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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