my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
