In America we eat man semen.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
