I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
