So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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