Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
