In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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