I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
