So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
