I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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