i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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