You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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