I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
