My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
