She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You were trust falling into bushes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
