I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
