You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
