I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
