just come out here and I will go home with you...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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