Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
