Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
