no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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