So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
