how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize