just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
