I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
