and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
