i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
