Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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