im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
