So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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