We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
