I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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