he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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