i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize