We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
