I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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