and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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