Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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