We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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