You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
