Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
