I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My nipple is on Facebook.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize