you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
