Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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