Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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