i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
